Labor and Delivery

Ok, so I'm a month late posting this, but I wrote it all down in my journal a few days after delivery, so I'm pretty much just transferring it now.

I had an appointment on 2/1 to have my blood pressure checked and to do a biophysical profile, which she passed with flying colors... it didn't even take the full half hour to get her to pass all her tests. After the BPP, I went to my appointment at the birthing center, and found that I was just under 2cm dilated and 80% effaced. (This was a Monday; the Friday before I was at 1cm and 70% effaced). My blood pressure was good. The midwife stretched my cervix (which is a way to help induce labor) and then I went home and continued pumping to also help induce labor.

About 4pm, I went to the bathroom and there was a huge gush of fluid that was definitely not urine. I called the center and they told me to come in, so I called John and he came home. We got all packed up and headed for the center. We got there at about 6:30 and she checked me. I was a little over 2cm and about 90% effaced, but she told us that she didn't think that it was amniotic fluid. She wanted to be sure, though, so we stayed for a few hours for her to check again. We went and ate at Subway and then walked around the University for a while - it was SO cold!! I was having contractions about every 4-5 minutes apart, but they were still not painful and just like the Braxton Hicks I'd been having for over a month. She checked me again at about 9-9:30 and I was still at 2cm and this time she could feel my amniotic sac, so she was sure that it hadn't broken. She explained that it was probably cervical fluid, a reaction that sometimes happens when the cervix is stretched, as she had done earlier that day. She thought it was possible that I was in early labor though, and that I'd be coming back later that night or maybe in the early morning, but couldn't say for sure. I told her that I wanted to go home and try to sleep in my own bed until I needed to come back. Even though we live an hour away, I thought it worth the drive since I expected to be in labor for at least 24 hours.

On the way home, I started to have painful contractions. They weren't too bad though, and I still thought I could get some sleep... I was wrong. I laid down in bed for a few minutes, but quickly got up so that at least John could get some sleep. I laid in the recliner from then (probably around 11) until about 12:30. I was having contractions roughly about 5-7 minutes apart. I was timing by just looking at the time on my phone every time and so it wasn't very accurate or precise, but I guess I still thought I had a long time to go. About 12:30 I got up and turned the light on, (and dropped and broke the lamp) admitting there would be no sleep for me that night. I moved to the loveseat as the contractions were getting worse and worse. About 1am I got up to go to the bathroom and saw blood... I freaked out. I knew, of course, that there was such a thing as bloody show and that it was normal, but nonetheless, it freaked me out. I was tired and a little out of it, a being very reminiscent of my miscarriage. So I called Betty and she said that a little blood was ok, and asked about my contractions. Since they were 4-6 minutes apart, she asked if I was ready to come in. I told her I'd wait a while longer, I didn't want another false alarm and thought I'd be more comfortable at home anyway.

John woke up while I was talking to her (I was surprised to find out he hadn't woken up when I broke the lamp!) and he came in the living room to be with me. I started timing more efficiently using a contraction timer from the internet. They were all coming at 5 minutes or less and were a minute long. I called Betty again at 2am (an hour later) and told her I was ready to come in. The drive up there was long and hard. It seemed like my contractions were more frequent, 3-5 minutes. I was afraid John would get pulled over because we were the only ones on the road and I think he was speeding just a bit. We listened to KERA but I don't remember what it was about. I tried to focus on my hands during contractions to keep from focusing on the pain.

We got to the birth center about 3am and Betty already had the tub filling. She checked me right away. I was at 3-4 cm and when she told me that, I almost started crying because I was hoping and expecting to be further along. I got in the tub and Betty put in my IV for the antibiotics. The water was very relaxing and it helped with the contractions... for a little while. I kept getting too hot, so I'd get out and then I'd get too cold. And I'd freeze when I had to get out long enough to go to the bathroom. I finally got out and laid on the bed in my bathrobe. I was laying in bed on my side for I don't know how long when Betty came in and offered to administer a shot of Nubain, a painkiller. I remember being surprised because they said they discourage the use of pain killers, even though they have them there if they need them. I said no at first because I wanted to do it without any kind of drugs at all, but at the very next contraction I completely caved in. It made all the difference in the world... I think my labor would have been a completely different story if I hadn't had it. The Nubain took the edge off the contractions and made it to where I could actually relax in between them. I hadn't realized how much tense I was and how much it was hurting in between contractions too until I had the Nubain. I then laid on the bed some more, just riding the contractions like waves. After the Nubain, it felt like it was really long between contractions, although John says they were never more than 3-4 minutes apart, and I have no idea how long I laid there. The contractions were still so painful I'd scream for each one, but I was so relaxed in between. Eventually, Betty checked me again and I was at a 5. She made me turn over to my other side - I didn't want to, but I did. I felt like I was in another place. I was just dimly aware of my surroundings and I wasn't really aware of the passage of time.

The next time Betty checked me, I was at a 6 or a 7 and she said she wanted me to try the ball. Or maybe she moved me to the ball at 8cm, I'm not sure. I didn't know why she kept telling me to change positions, and I sure didn't want to. But as dim as everything other than my contractions were, I wasn't able to protest much and I trusted her expertise, so I did what she told me. The ball was torture. It was way too low, so I ended up standing up during contractions. That's when they got really bad and they got to my back and pelvis and legs. I thought I was going to die. She gave me another half dose of Nubain - I don't remember it making a difference this time. She finally told me I was having back labor and the baby's head was turned wrong... I'm so glad she didn't tell me before that, because I hadn't known the difference since I've never been in labor before, and had I known it was back labor, I think it would have psyched me out and I would have been worried about it.

I think she only told me because she needed to start to try to turn the baby's head manually... during contractions!!!! She was having some trouble getting her to turn and when I was probably about 8cm - or maybe 9, I don't know - she said she felt my amniotic sac bulging and that it would probably relieve some pressure if she broke it. I hadn't let her break it until then because supposedly breaking it can speed things up, but also makes the contractions more intense. I agreed to let her break it since I was so far dilated and since she said it would alleviate some pressure. I could not believe how much amniotic fluid came out! The ultrasonographer and the midwife both had told me that day that I had a lot of amniotic fluid, so I understood and didn't get scared, but it felt like it just kept coming and coming.

After a while longer, Lynne and Jean showed up. I was concentrating and in a groove and I remember being afraid they were going to change the energy of the room. It made me realize it was morning already and I thought I was going to be so distracted by daytime goings-on, but after that I hardly noticed anything at all. I found out later there was someone else that went into labor that morning and was there at the same time as me, but I had no idea at the time. Lynne came in and sat on my left and John was at my right. Lynne suggested going to the toilet to turn the baby - her favored position for the process. Again, I didn't want to go, but I went. They had me sit facing the wall and put a pillow on the back of the toilet. It was very comfortable and I was glad I had moved. A few minutes later, I heard water leaking and thought I was peeing. It kept going though, and I was surprised how much I was peeing and how I couldn't even feel it. Then I felt water soak my right foot and at the same time I heard Lynne or Betty say the toilet was leaking. I remember being disappointed to have to take off my socks and a little reluctant to leave the toilet. I don't remember having any contractions there (John told me I had one and he thinks that's what caused the toilet to leak). I do remember being so comfortable against the pillow.

I moved back to the bed and soon I guess I got to 9-9.5cm and the baby's head was having trouble getting through the last bit of my cervix. Betty told me to start pushing during contractions and she would reach in and help stretch the cervix around her head as I pushed - I don't think I was really pushing very hard, if at all - it was all I could do to get through the contractions. Finally, she her head was all the way through my cervix and it was time to start pushing to get her out.

Lynne was on my left and John was on my right again. They each held a leg while I pushed. The contractions hurt the most at first when I had to start the push and at the end when I felt like my behind was going to explode. While I was actually pushing in between the start and finish it was more bearable, although it was really hard work. It seemed to go on so long and I felt like I was pushing and pushing and making no progress. I remember becoming aware that I was having two problems: one, I was pushing with my chest and face and not my abdomen, and two, I wasn't pushing as hard as I could because I was afraid my behind was literally going to explode. I thought I went to the bathroom several times but they said that I didn't. I was also aware I was going to burst the blood vessels in my face - which I did. I kept wanting to push with my head back, not chin down, but they wouldn't let me. I also wanted to push while blowing out, but they wouldn't let me do that either. I was supposed to hold my breath, take a quick breath and then push again until I took another quick breath all the way through each contraction.

After realizing the things I was doing wrong and that I wasn't going to make any good progress I let go of the fear that I would burst my face and my behind and tried to focus on pushing hard from down low. I was going to get that baby out, happen what might to the rest of my body. I also started to try to ease into each push more slowly because it hurt the most at the beginning and the end. Once I made a bit more progress, it felt different on my bum and I no longer felt like it was going to explode.

They started to see the head during contractions and told me that she had lots of black hair - boy was I shocked!! I was happy to hear they could see her head though, and thought I was almost done. I wasn't. I was so tired, and I know I said "I can't" a few times in there. Betty kept saying, "come on Megan, yes you can," or "you have to". She said it with a tone of voice that said, "be realistic, don't give me that, you know you can." And I did. And I could.

So I realized I had to push harder. Or that the harder I pushed, the sooner she'd come out and I'd be finished. I was so tired, but I pushed harder. I think I even started to push until after some of the contractions were over, but I'm not sure. Finally, she crowned. I didn't realize it then, but John said that this whole time, Betty was massaging me with olive oil. I am so grateful for this, and when I think about the fact that this is probably why I didn't tear, I just get so touched. She took care of me.

I pushed and pushed and finally, I felt the head pop out. What a relief!! I thought I was done, but they told me I had to push again, it was just her head. I pushed again and felt the rest of her come out so fast. True relief!!! Wow. They put her up on my chest with a towel over her. I was out of it and so tired and just wanted to rest. I was uncomfortable and so exhausted I couldn't move to readjust myself, especially with the baby on my chest. The umbilical cord was resting on my sensitive parts down there and I wanted Betty to move it, but she said she couldn't/wouldn't until it stopped pulsing. I would move it off to the side but it just kept going back to the sensitive parts. I don't think she realized I just wanted her to at least hold it up off of that area for me until she could cut it, and I didn't have the presence of mind or the energy to explain it to her. Then they were telling me to push again, but I told them no. Flat out no. Come on Megan, you have to. They wanted me to push the placenta out. When I realized that was why, I gave one last push and it was out... Final relief!!! Double wow!!

Eventually they cut the cord. I think John asked me if I wanted to do it... no way!! All I wanted was to rest. I wanted someone to take the baby off of me for a minute so I could get resituated and so I could see her - I still hadn't seen her. They called her a butterball when she came out. And she didn't have black hair after all. It was just that her head was so purple during labor I guess. I also remember Lynne massaging my uterus afterward. It hurt the first time and she had to kind of punch me, but the next few times it wasn't so painful and she didn't have to do the punch.

They finally took her to do her tests and I guess... and the rest is really foggy. I think it went something like this: I think they left John and the baby and I alone in the room and I got to see her really well for the first time. He laid her back on my chest and she found my nipple and suckled for a short time. The next clear memory I have is them putting a diaper on her and getting her dressed and me videoing it from where I was laying on the bed (I couldn't get a good angle but I couldn't get up yet either). After a while, I think I finally had the energy to get up and go to the bathroom at some point. They told me it would sting, but it didn't (thanks to Betty I think). I remember Lynne telling me not to worry if I didn't have a bowel movement for a few days, that was normal and it would come. I was grateful for that too, otherwise I would have worried.

After that I think is when I ate the Subway sandwich I had brought. I was STARVING. It could have been the other way around, food first, then bathroom, I don't know. John laid on the bed with the baby while I ate. We talked about what to name her and decided on Ellen Sophia Collins. It took us 9 months to decide on a name, but I am so very happy with it. It's a beautiful name and she's such a beautiful baby.

Then John got our stuff together and we got ready to leave. On the way home, I sat in the back with the baby and when she started crying, I let her suck on my pinky finger the rest of the way home.

As we were getting ready to go, John asked me if I would do labor naturally again, and I said no. Even just a few short hours later though, I realized there is just absolutely no other way I would do it. Labor and the delivery of my precious Ellen was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I felt it all, I felt her head come out and I felt her body come out, and the difference between the two. I pushed and I labored and I entered another place. I did it. It was an amazing experience, one I shared with my baby, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm also proud of myself for getting through the worst pain and the hardest labor I've ever endured. And that's what it was... labor. Now I understand the term.

And Betty and Lynne made it such a great experience. I am so grateful to them. They took care of me and helped me and encouraged me and cared about me. I think that in a hospital, I would have probably ended up having a c-section because she was turned the wrong way. And I think I would have torn or had to have an episiotomy. But because of Betty's care and expertise, I had neither one. She manually turned the baby and she massaged me the whole time with olive oil so that I didn't tear. I can't express how grateful I am to her. I got teary-eyed when I saw her the first time after labor for my 3-day visit.