four... weeks... left... sigh.

I am losing steam. For so long I was so good about doing all the things I should... eating right, exercising, drinking my raspberry tea, avoiding too many sweets, blah, blah, blah, but now I just feel so over it. I know I should consider myself really lucky - there have been a lot of pregnancy symptoms that I haven't had to deal with and I am still not completely miserably uncomfortable (though true comfort seems a thing of the long ago past) even if I am getting there. I am starting to have more and more trouble sleeping and my whole body hurts. I just want a good nights sleep, chocolate, a drink, and a cigarette. And no, I don't even smoke. Pretty much I just want to over-indulge in any and every physical comfort you can think of. Apparently, I'm not the first one to feel this way...
I am finally considered full term and can have her any time with no complications and I am starting to obsess about labor. Not as in scared of it, but as in, PLEASE COME!! I also obsess about the baby dropping - not because it sounds comfortable in the least to have a head wedged into your pelvis - but because it's one step closer to labor. Every Braxton Hicks contraction or bodily pain I feel - even in my little toe - and I find myself desperately wishing it were true labor. I hope against hope though: I'm pretty sure I'll carry all the way through to the bitter end... and then some. It's just how we Sagers are built. It's a good thing I know, and I know it's better for the baby. I shouldn't complain.

I have started to dream about her at night. I used to sleep so hard (in between my 5-6 bathroom trips per night) that I don't even know if I dreamt. But now that I am more awake at night - even in my sleep - I remember dreaming about her. Last night I dreamed she was a newborn, but yet telling me how to take care of her.

John is such a great husband. Without ever once complaining, he patiently puts up with me when I complain, comforts me when I get emotional, ignores me when I get up five or six times a night - every night - even though he's such a light sleeper and the floor is squeaky right by his head, massages my cramps away when I wake up screaming in the middle of the night, ties my shoes now that I can't get at them very easily anymore, does the dishes just about every night, and is just the most supportive and greatest husband I could ever have hoped for.

Orange Sherbet!!!

Today I had my first go-out-and-get-it craving. Orange sherbet. I've had normal cravings during this pregnancy... I always crave sweet stuff, pregnant or not, but I haven't ever gone out to get anything or sent John to get anything, and it's never cravings that I just have to fulfill. In fact, I've given in to fewer cravings than I would have had I not been pregnant... I'm determined to gain only the weight I'm supposed to. But today John drove me to Braum's and bought me some orange sherbet. Mmm... so good.They say leg cramps are pretty common in pregnancy. I've had a few times over the past couple months where I have woken half way up and thought, hmmm, that kinda hurts a little bit and rolled over to go back to sleep. I didn't really get why people made such a big deal about leg cramps... until the other night when I woke up screaming in pain. Poor John didn't know what was going on. It was excruciating and I was frozen with pain (except, of course, my vocal chords). I couldn't move my leg to stretch it out and I couldn't sit up to use my hands because my big old belly was in the way (getting up from a laying position these days takes considerable effort). All I could do was scream. John woke up - obviously - and thankfully stretched it out and then massaged it some. Then it happened a few hours later on the other leg. Again, all I could do was scream. If labor is that bad, I'm in for some real trouble!!! This happened maybe Monday night and my calves are still sore from it. However, that very day I went out to buy a magnesium supplement because I heard that could be a cause and thankfully haven't had any more leg cramps. Whether it's because of the supplement or not, I guess I'll never know, but I guarantee I won't stop taking it until after this is all over.

Playa del Carmen

We just got back from Mexico where it was nice and warm and beautiful. We went down for a wedding on the beach and it was absolutely beautiful! We stayed at the all-inclusive luxury hotel where the wedding was and it was really nice. I've been watching what I ate pretty closely through this pregnancy, but the food there was great and I indulged in dessert at just about every meal... the desserts there were to die for. I figured there was so much I couldn't do that I wanted to that I was going to let myself at least enjoy the decadent desserts they had.

We were going to go on a snorkeling trip because we couldn't go scuba diving, but decided not to when John remembered and reminded me how horribly bumpy the boat ride can be getting out to the snorkel site. It's painful on your pelvis and tailbone even when you're not pregnant!! We did snorkel off the shore though, and though I didn't expect to see anything but sand (we've tried snorkeling off shore before with never any luck) we ended up seeing some pretty cool stuff. There was a huge school of some really small silver fish just hanging out and swimming around. We swam through them and they just parted around us. And there were two swordfish-looking things circling lazily above this huge school of fish... I don't know if they were hunting or what, but they seemed to be just kinda hanging out too and the little fish didn't seem too worried about them. They were about a foot and a half to two feet long and really skinny. Their snouts weren't super long, but long enough to scare me... I kept trying to get close and see them but everytime I did they'd turn and look at me and I'd have to scramble back real quick because I was scared they'd charge me. And we saw a few small but really pretty tropical fish. They were hanging around a head of coral at the bottom probably 10-12 feet down. Every time I'd get close to look, the little blue one would stop what he was doing and turn sideways to face upward and point his big old eye at me. It was pretty funny.

Flying was no problem, the midwives approved it and the airline had no restrictions either. (Delta is the only one I could find that doesn't). The only thing was that I think I didn't drink enough water the day we traveled down and so I had swollen feet and ankles for a day or so. And I've started having braxton hicks contractions. Sometimes I'm so miserable uncomfortable I think I could scream in frustration because I'm so ready to have her, other times I feel almost spry (very rarely though!!). Not to mention the fact that we are both so crazy excited to meet and hold our tiny little baby. They say the last month is hard and drags on, but I'm hoping that it'll go by quick. The holidays will help, I'm sure. This week is going to be super busy - we haven't even started Christmas shopping and we have yet to unpack and get resettled from the trip.

Diapers, Diapers, Diapers!!

I've had diapers on the brain all day. We are going to do cloth diapering and I have finally sat down to research it enough to know what we're going to try first. I've looked it up before, but there are about a thousand different varieties of cloth diapers, ways to diaper, and ways to launder. They still have old-fashioned flat diapers, that require clips and covers (and by the way there are several different kinds of those to choose from and many different ways to fold them and launder them too), but now they also have fitted diapers that require covers (all-in-twos), hybrid cloth/disposable diapers (g-diapers), and all-in-ones, which are basically just like disposables only you throw them in the wash instead of the garbage. Unless you choose all-in-ones, you then have to pick your cover, which can be anything from plain old vinyl, to polyester, to wool, to whatever. They come with velcro, loops and eyes, snappies, or other fancy fasteners - which ones will be easiest and last through all the laundering? No matter what kind of diaper you use, you also have to figure out what kind, if any, liners you want to use and how many liners you will need for daytime - or nap time - or night time. There's microfiber, microfleece, microchamois, hemp, cotton, wool, bamboo terry, bamboo velour, and on and on - or a combination of some or all of the above - each material with it's own strengths and weaknesses. Then there's cloth wipes to pick from and what kind of solution - if any - you are going to buy or concoct for these wipes. And how do you keep them warm? Will they fit in your wipe warmer? Some do, some don't.

And that's only picking out the diapers you are going to use. Then you have to worry about how to launder them. There's the dry pail method and the wet-pail method for home and then you need something for travel. And to choose the right laundry soap, you have to know which kind of material your diapers are made from. If you use the wrong kind of soap, you may ruin the diapers. Some diapers must be washed in warm water, some in extra hot. Some are line dry only, and some need extra cycles or longer drying time. You also have to be careful about using diaper rash cream, because if it gets on certain materials, it will ruin them. If your diapers get too much residue on them from using the wrong soap or diaper cream, sometimes you can strip the diapers by washing them in blue Dawn dish detergent. Wool diaper covers seem to be among the best, expecially for overnight, but sometimes you need to re-apply lanolin to them. Some recommend using vinegar in the wash cycle, some in the rinse cycle. Some websites say baking soda in the wash and vinegar in the rinse. Never, ever use fabric softener or dryer sheets. Do not use Dreft, even though there's a picture of a baby on the box. Do not use 7th Generation or most Free and Clear detergents. Woolite - if you can imagine - has an alkaline PH that may strip wool fibers, and Charlie's Soap can cause skin to burn.

My head is spinning.

So anyway, I am going to start out with Chinese pre-fold cloth diapers. These are basically rectangular pieces of cloth that are layered in the middle for extra absorbency. Supposedly they are much better than other versions of the same thing (there's European prefolds, Indian prefolds, ComPly prefolds, Babies Textile prefolds, gauze prefolds, cheap Walmart prefolds, regular Gerber prefolds and Gerber DSQ prefolds... and on and on). The biggest reason I'm going to start out with these is because they are $1.50 each rather than $17 - $25 each. Yes, that's right, each. Those fancy all-in-ones sound grand, but $20 each is pretty steep, especially when I don't know that the regular old pre-folds don't work just as well. Besides, I don't want to buy 30 newborn diapers (enough to last 2-3 days) at $20 that she will only wear for a month or two. Not only that, but I don't know which kind of all-in-one or all-in-twos that I might like. I'll try a few different kinds and if they're worth it, I might invest. But to start with, I'm going to go with the Chinese pre-folds from cottonbabies.com
http://www.cottonbabies.com/product_info.php?products_id=89

Diaper covers range from about $9 to about $46 (high dollar wool covers) I'm going to try a few different varieties of these as well to see which I like better. I also have a liner in mind I want to try. It's called a g-flapper and it's made with hemp, microfiber and microchamois. I'm pretty sure I am going to use cloth wipes too but I haven't decided yet whether I want to use a solution (some experts say plain water is best) and if so, what solution I might use.

I feel a lot better having made some progress in figuring out what kind of diapers I'm going to use. Now I just need to nail down the details of laundering all the products I have picked out... a task better left for another day.